Two weeks back

I went to the doctor today after two weeks of being on my new medicines. Honestly, things have been pretty decent with that so I got re-uped for another month of medicine and we'll see how it goes.

I'm still scared about being on medicines, but I have been "better" these past two weeks than the previous few where I had gone off the other. I don't know how things are going to turn out, but that is why I am doing all of this, right? Yeah.

Well, hopefully I can start getting into a rhythm of things again. My blogging took a hit when I got sick and so did my streaming and playing Arena and other things but I think that I should be able to get myself back into a groove. At least I'm going to try.

I exercised today. I wrote in my journal. I translated really hard. I took a nap. I streamed. I played a game. I did a lot today. It was a pretty good day.

And now I head to tomorrow.

You don't have to retweet this

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This has been going around on Twitter. I bet you've seen it.

I “stream on Twitch” but I would never call myself a “Twitch streamer”. That said, I like writing prompts so I decided to take this and answer the questions because why not?

  1. Story behind your username.
    In high school I had a crush on a girl. But I missed my chance, lessons learned, yada-yada. But I at some point I thought I had to “dress better” and “act different” if I wanted a girlfriend. But it didn't happen. When I became a senior I realized that I didn't like what I was doing and decided to be more “true” to myself. I stoped wearing polo shirts and went back to nerdy t-shirts. I had originally been “Magik82” on AOL because I liked Magic: The Gathering (this will become a theme in these answers). Also I was born in 1982. But I didn't like having a number in my online nickname. For a while I was TheTomatoKing as an homage to my childhood liking of The Muppets, particularly Fozzie Bear and corny jokes. But since I was “coming back”, I picked the word Revenant and added 9999 at the end because it felt like a “fuck you” to the people who tacked their year of birth at the end of some word. Edgy, I know. In college I started taking Japanese. I didn't like the 9999. One day I was flipping through my Japanese dictionary and saw the word 記憶, memory. I thought that went well with Revenant so RevenantKioku I became. It's followed me since. Except on reddit where I made an account on my phone, and forgot the password. So on reddit I’m erickoziol. Which is funny because I’m not that anywhere else, like on Twitter, where some Computer Science guy has that handle.
  2. Why did you start streaming?
    I recorded videos back in college for various challenges I did. I started streaming on JustinTV when I came to Japan and was even doing stuff like playing Dragon Quest 9 on my DS with my webcam pointed at it. It wasn't great. I got married, didn't do it much, except off and on when I had a day to myself. When I got divorced I needed a hobby so I started speed running and streaming. That cooled down when I got back into Magic.
  3. Favorite game to stream.
    Magic is a silly answer, but it's kind of true because I love getting advice from people. There's always so much to learn about that game.
  4. Fondest memory.
    Back when the Four Job Fiesta started, the first year I had the website I did The Run by myself and the first year we set it up at my friend Alex's apartment in the middle of fuck-nowhere Japan. I streamed for well over twenty four hours because this was before I knew much about speed running or playing FF5 not terribly. But I did it. I don't remember how many people were watching or what, but goodness, I was exhausted when I was done. But it was so much fun.
  5. Variety streamer?
    What does this mean? These days it's mostly Magic for me or whatever game I’m currently working on trying to beat.
  6. Biggest struggle you had in a game
    Again, because I play so much Magic these days that's the easy answer because the game is basically a struggle that I enjoy. But trying to get a solid run of the Famicom Final Fantasy 3 glitch run took me quite some time until I got seven minutes and was just happy to have done it.
  7. Favorite thing about streaming.
    People. I’m kind of introverted but I also grew up with my brothers pretty much always around me and while we're not the closest people, I do have a thing for just having people around when I'm doing something. So seeing someone comment while I’m playing or just chatting about bullshit while I'm playing is a blast. I live alone now (and my ex-wife always wanted me to go be by myself when I played games) that I just love having people to chat with, and streaming sometimes gives me that.
  8. Any advice to give to a new streamer?
    Don't do what I'm doing, I guess? I average under one viewer, haha.
  9. Favorite streamer to watch.
    Oh, I can't pick just one. But people like eLmaGus, puwexil, bowiethehero, dragondarch, HighSpirits, StarOfViolence, TwitchPopPop and so many more are just so inspiring to watch. I’m sure I’m missing people because I'm on a train and kind of drunk, so sorry! But I love so many of you.
  10. Do you clip yourself?
    Who else would? Haha, but seriously there are some funny moments in Magic, be it variance bad or good, that just have to be shared. I love watching these clips, so I try to share them when they happen to me.
  11. Longest stream?
    Easily the first The Run I did for the Four Job Fiesta. My mind tells me it was over twenty four hours but I can't even remember.
  12. Game that you hated streaming?
    FF12 just because I hate FF12. Which reminds me I still owe completing FF12HD from two years ago. I’m so sorry. I just hate playing it.
  13. Most frustrating thing about streaming?
    It's stupid and selfish sounding, but when there's no one watching. I know. I need to make good content if I want people to watch. I don't deserve viewers. I know. But I also just want to chat with people mostly so it kind of reinforces my loneliness at times.
  14. Most popular game?
    Easily when I do anything FF5 or Fiesta related. I wish it was Magic because that's what I like playing the most, but I’m not good enough yet at the game for that, I guess.
  15. Favorite person to stream with?
    Never have, as far as I remember. My friend Alex and I used to record videos and I’d edit them for YouTube. We tried streaming once and it was fun.
  16. How many people do you mod for?
    Is there a way to check? That said, I don't get into as many streams as I’d like to these days, so none, really.
  17. Goals?
    I just want to get good at Magic. I've loved this game since I started playing it back in 1995 or 1996 or whenever my friend bought that magazine with DOOM on the cover and it had an article about Magic. I do have a goal of playing at least 1000 games of ANT (Ad Nauseam Tendrils, a Legacy Storm deck) this year in paper and online. I have no illusions of ever making partner or making any money off of streaming.
  18. Layout?
    I need some. You an artist? Want to talk? Although Magic Arena doesn't really need one? But still, I don't like how my stream looks but I don't really have that sort of creative skill to do anything.
  19. Things you want to change?
    Part of my depression actually makes me really anxious about streaming. I don't know why. Whenever I start I like doing it. I just kind of get into that “What's the point? No one cares.” mindset. Which I know is unhealthy, but depression is hard.
  20. Least favorite thing about streaming?
    Weird software issues. I’m forever having sound issues when I switch between games or sometimes (and this has been slightly better since switching to Streamlabs OBS) settings just change and I stream for an hour before someone asks why I’m talking and there's no voice. As a Computer Science graduate, I know software ain't easy, but I also don't like fiddling with it anymore.
  21. Dropped any games?
    Pretty much all of them. I don't know if I’ll get back into speed running ever. I do like it, but I like Magic a lot more. I kind of hope to one day run into a short game that I enjoy enough to run, but most of my favorite games are long RPGs that don't exactly make for a quick run. Maniac Mansion Famicom kind of fist that bill, actually. Maybe I should get back to that.
  22. How many years have you been streaming?
    I think my first time must have been in 2008 or so? Definitely haven't been regular until after my divorce and I’m still not “regular” because I have a job and do freelance work.
  23. How many mods?
    Seven!
  24. Channel theme?
    Magic played poorly with the hope of getting better.
  25. Most viewed clip?
    Fleshbag Marauder, not a Standard legal card, showed up for me in Momir on Arena. The card shouldn't be in Arena, so why is it? Weird. Also notice how I wasn't talking? That explains so much, huh?
  26. Favorite platform to stream?
    Anything. I just like streaming and communities. I like people and friends.
  27. Cam?
    Yeah. I am kind of embarrassed because I hate how I look, but I think reactions are the most fun part of streaming, so capturing my own might be something I actually look back fondly on one day.
  28. Most memorable ban?
    The second year I did The Run, and actually couldn't even beat Neo ExDeath in time there was someone who kept spamming the comments on the Fiesta site and my Twitch stream. I don't know why.
  29. Who gave you the most inspiration?
    I can't pick just one. But anyone who just plays a game with a smile on their face is awesome. I haven't had as many days like that recently, but I hope to get there again.
  30. What do you want to tel your audience most?
    Whoever is that 0.75 average viewer, I love you. Seriously, though, if you ever stop by, thanks. If you ever chat, thanks. That's what I want the most. Someone to talk to.

Something new

I got new Internet.

I was very excited and then I did the speed test. The download was not much faster than what I previously had. Fuck. And then I see the upload speed. Hundreds of times faster than what I was getting.

Yeah, I am getting between ten and forty down and anywhere from two hundred to four hundred up. What?

Now I haven't been too deep in the technology field over the past few years, but this needs a little bit of looking into, doesn't it? I mean, no complaints on that upload speed and that should be good for my streaming. But what a disparity.

Nothing new

I reorganized my apartment tonight.

I'm getting "real" Internet tomorrow. At least I hope it's real. I am tired of SoftBank Air having questionable speeds, so I finally got myself set up. It was so much easier than I thought it would be. I should have done it years ago. Of course I was always "worried" I'd find a job and then moving would make the cost not worth it, but whatever. I'm tired of shitty Internet and I might as well make my time at home a bit more enjoyable.

I kicked up a lot of dust cleaning up and my sinuses are fired up like there's nothing better for them to do. I finished up a Legacy league but between the headache and some bad luck (and bad plays, let's be honest) it went from a 2-1 to a 2-3. I have a good habit of doing that. Oh well. There's always next time.

And hopefully next time I will be making this blog post from f a s t I n t e r n e t. Which we all know is important for blogging.

Don't rub

I have less than fifty seconds to write this if I want to put it up before the deadline I set for myself.

It's an artifical deadline and it means nothing. Twenty seconds.

But I sit here, and realize an hour has bassed and I did not accomplish anything I wanted. Five seconds.

And then - time's up - I rub my eyes because it is dry due to having the heater on. Now my eye's hurt.

I'm not sure what I am doing or what. Four minutes just passed and I don't even know how or why or what I'm doing.

I spent the day with my son. That was fun. Then I took him home, did a Sealed tournament and fucked up hard. I feel like an idiot. I shouldn't, but I do. Because I don't feel like I'm capable of learning or improving at anything.

I am drowning in self-pity. This is no good.

Eleven minutes late.

Not acting

I had plans to stream tonight.

I didn't.

I don't get it. I don't know why I am stressing myself out about things I want to do. This is silly. I am making myself mad by not doing things I want to do because... I should punish myself? Because why? I don't know the answer to these things but I'm getting frustrated with myself.

Which also doesn't help.

Choices

Did a little stream tonight and got salty during the Magic Arena games. No one likes that. I don't like that. But I chose to be salty instead of choosing to smile and take it in stride.

This lifestyle change is not easy. My default mode is negativity and anger. Now, I wasn't mad at my opponent. Just cursing my own luck. But that's how life works and if I'm going to do these things I have to focus on what I can control.

I hate that sentence I just wrote because it makes no sense to me whatsoever. Focus on what I can control? When do I have a choice in what I think about? When do I have a choice about how I react to things?

Apparently I do. So says many things I have been reading and listening to. But the concept seems so wild and foreign to me. Control over my own thoughts? What kind of mental giant wields such ability?

I don't know the route to take, but at least I am aware of the destination.

Back again

The first day back at work never doesn't feel weird. Negatives! Teaching, or specifically, speaking in front of 30+ people after spending most of the previous weeks alone or with a few people at most, just feels weird.

I am a bit of a different person when I teach, and I do wish I could channel that energy into other things. I don't exactly know why it's easy to be energetic, educational and entertaining when I teach but when I stream or make a video or try to write about stuff I'm just boring.

Installing fear

I spent the afternoon getting my car looked at. They were unhelpful. Five bucks to replace the battery on my remote starter and the same song and dance about how at some point I will need somem parts to be replaced. Yes. Cool. Can we not do that? Why when I ask do I just get some nonsense about waiting. It's like I cannot convince them to let me give them money.

Which I am starting to worry I will not have more of because I haven't gotten any translation work for a while. November and December were extremely busy for me, so I have enough saved up that I am not worried except that I am always worried when I am not working.

So I listened to some podcasts and worked on cleaning up my place when I got home. I read some more on Cognitive Behavior Therapy. I decided to play in the Shadowverse Grand Prix going on. I finished a run I had started this morning and modified my deck. Then in the middle of the first game I get a blue screen on my Windows PC. First one I've had on this. There was some buzzing, but I am pretty sure it came from my headphones. Maybe just remnants from the game? I don't know.

But I do know I have to not let this stuff get to me. Because worrying will get me nowhere. Which is where I went through 2018.

Cleaning up

After I dropped off my son my thought was to go home and stream. Maybe Magic. Maybe FF6. But instead I sorted some cards. And it was a good sort. The kind where I got through a few hours of podcast backlog and made more of a mess than I had originally, but things feel a bit more organized. Even though it's messier.

Ah, starting always requires a bit of breaking, doesn't it?

Fucking cars

Back in 2017 I had an accident. Nothing serious, but my car was totaled. Easily done when your car isn't worth much.

So I bought a "new" one. I'm still paying it off. But it was acting funny. Just as I was about to call the place I bough it, they called me saying they were offering a fairly cheap checkup. One of my back lights had gone out so I needed that replaced anyway and this gave me an excuse to go and get everything looked at.

The car's fine. I spent ¥4000 to get the bulb replaced, have the car looked at and got a free oil change.

I feel better. So much better. Not as good as if I put myself in a position where I would never have to drive again, but we'll get there when we get there.

I hope.

Getting back on track

With the (deserved) hubbub about Tumblr banning adult material, I went through to see if anything of mine got tagged. What I did find was that I used to write a lot more. And it kind of made me sad. What happened?

I was writing a lot more prior to the divorce. I guess now that I have stepped out of that stage of my life I have other things going on so I don't feel the need to express myself?

No, that doesn’t make sense.

I spent the past two night sleeping as soon as I got home. Had I not pulled myself out of bed tonight to actually do something, I would have done the same three nights in a row.

I’m not quite happy with that.

This was originally meant to be me writing about me writing, and now I feel like I’m wasting my time, and yours.

But I’m putting up a blog post. That's something I haven't done in a few weeks now. So maybe this can help me get started again.

If I only knew what I was working towards.

Focus lost

I finished up a lot of translation work last week. I was actually ahead and only had one job that required minimum work a day. I figured I deserved the time "off".

But then I get a big job today and it was surprisingly hard to get into it. Maybe it was because I had just woken up from a nap, but focusing on getting 5000 characters done when I only needed to do around 1000 for the past three days was surprisingly hard.

In just a few days, and seriously just a few days because I was doing a lot of characters per day last week, I got super lazy. Or maybe I just wasn't in the mood for it?

Perhaps over-analyzing it will get me nowhere. Perhaps I just have to be grateful for the work, grateful that I had time to nap and woke up around the time the new work came in, and was able to get some translation done and then even streamed for about a half hour.

Not a bad day. Hopefully I can just focus better on translating tomorrow.

Little Joys

So. Today is my birthday. I don’t really expect much. A few “Happy birthdays” from friends and family. Maybe treat myself to a nice dinner.

Normally on Tuesdays I stay home and stream. But I didn’t want to stay home alone. So I went out.

One of the shops I like to go to does Legacy tournaments on Tuesdays. It’s a bit of a drive, but hell, treat yourself.

So I went. Got some happy birthdays from my Magic playing friends. Played Grixis Control. Got beat by Mono Black Reanimator, Burn and Miracles. Wasn’t a great record, but I felt like I played pretty well and just had some bad beats. Whatever.

Last place. Eh. I had fun. Chat with my friends. Store owner comes out, announces the winner. They get a Masters pack. A die gets rolled for the random prize. I win it. Nothing good in the pack, but still nice.

Shop owner says one more thing. Happy Birthday starts playing. A piece of cake gets brought out to me. Everyone applauds.

It was good cake. It was a good night.

Now it’s my turn to make 36 a good year.

Wish me luck.

Pointless

I stream and no one watches.

I make games no one plays.

I play Magic and I lose.

I write and no one reads.

I teach and no one listens.

This has been a dark year. While simultaneously realizing how lucky I am, I realize how unhappy I am. And this is because I am selfish and have trouble with that.

For some reason I want attention. I crave it so badly. Perhaps it is because I live alone and it’s starting to get to me.

But it’s not that I don’t put myself out there. But I’m clearly a selfish, self-obsessed person without true passions. When I stream, people don’t watch because I’m not interesting. People don’t play my games because they aren’t good. I don’t win at Magic because I’m so focused on winning and “proving” myself instead of having fun. No one reads this blog because it offers nothing but an outlet for me to be a whiny fuckwit. No one listens when I teach because they don’t care about what I’m teaching.

I know I have these problems but I don’t know how to fix them. I don’t know how to stop being such a bore. I don’t know how to make friends or keep them. I don’t know what I’m doing here and why I care so much that other people know it.

I know I don’t like myself, though.

Counting blessings

When you go to a lot of Magic tournaments in the same area you're bound to run into the same people over and over again. Sometimes there are new (or at least new-to-you) faces, but sometimes it's a fairly solid crowd that you've seen before.

Yesterday I was at a Sealed PPTQ. I went 2-3. That's like my fucking mantra at this point. But that is neither here nor there.

There's this guy I see a lot at PPTQs. I've never actually played against him, so I don't know his name. But every time I see him I count my blessings and am reminded of some important things.

While the majority of players sit down, he has to stand.

He has a, well I guess the word is stand, and uses that on top of the table to play. His opponent might sit, or might stand and use something to play on top of. Sometimes I’ve seen this guy lift up his shirt to scratch himself (This makes me sound more like a pervert than just something I've seen by chance.) and he's wearing a back brace.

Every single time I see this man I adjust my posture a little bit and try to be more conscious of how I’m sitting.

I have been typing since around age eight or so. I wanted a typewriter for, I believe, my eighth birthday so bad. I got one. I also had access to a Commodore 64. In 1995 or so we got our first PC, a Windows machine with, guess what? Windows 95. It was the “family” computer but I commandeered it pretty hard. When I went to high school I started taking programming classes and that led, weirdly, to where I am now.

But even as a teacher, I type out all my class notes. My freelance translation is a lot of typing. I still program. And I just use my computer for lots of communication. During summer and other long vacations sometimes I don't use my voice at all. (This is one of the reasons I started my YouTube series An Honest Five.) I type to lots of people though.

This all goes to say that I haven't had any wrist or finger injuries at all. Either I’m doing it right, still young enough or extremely lucky. I'd wager it's a mix of all three and some stuff that I don't exactly know.

I do have a bad back. I don't know if I am misremembering this because it sounds kind of weird to say but I remember being told by the doctor that my spine is “a little too straight”. Not bad enough to require surgery, but they could have done it. I do recall hearing that it would have been risky (at the time?). This came about after one night of bowling with my grade-school’s bowling team and then me being unable to sleep because of back pain. Not something you expect an eleven-year-old to endure. I remember “sleeping” on the couch that night and going to the doctor the next day.

X-rays, talking, pamphlets featuring old people laying on the ground and squeezing their buttocks. I never got into that stretching routine. I probably should have. I still get some back aches now and a again. Rarely is it as debilitating as that one night back in 1993, but sometimes it hurts bad.

And then I have to remember that I’m still pretty lucky. No RSI, no back braces. But I probably slouch a little. I could stand to improve my posture a bit. I sit a lot for playing Magic and when I stream and probably could have a better layout. I don't actually have a desk, I just have a table on the floor and a legless chair. I doubt that's good posture making with my legs stretched out under the desk and weirdly positioned because there's not enough space.

I need to move somewhere nicer. Eventually. That's not going to be an easy process. But that's another story for another time.

Anyway, I see this guy standing. He's still out playing Magic. He gets by. I’m sure it sucks though but it's nice to see someone making it through their issues and a reminder that I am a lucky boy and should try and take advantage of that as best I can.

On the train to Nagoya

I am currently on a train to Nagoya. Not the fast one. I could have been to Nagoya by now. But whenever I take these trips to play Magic for a weekend, I like taking the slow route Thursday after work. I sit on trains for a bit longer, but I get to play games, listen to podcasts and exiast in a different way than I do most days.

There’s something about being in a public place yet still being private that is oddly... Relaxing? Freeing? Focusing? I translate faster on a train, that’s for sure. Less distractions. Well, more distractions, actually, but I have to conciously tune them out which means I focus more. I don’t know. There’s probably some science behind it all.

I am a bit sad that I don’t have a team for this Grand Prix. I’m not playing in the main event, instead I signed up for the “Constructed Fanatic” package, which if I play my cards right, will save me nearly ¥7000 and let me play a lot of Magic. Which is the point of the weekend.

But I’m sad that I don’t have a team because it makes me think. Am I not friendly enough with the people I spend lots of hours playing Magic with? Am I too bad of a Magic player for them to want me on their team? Am I a shitty person?

That’s Depression talking. I hate that fucker. Shut the fuck up, would you?

Who knows. I didn’t ask anyone. Well, I did ask a group chat but it either wasn’t seen, was ignored, or was a bad time. Or some other reason. Point is, I didn’t get a team. But that isn’t going to stop me from going out and trying to have fun.

I worry something like Magic might not be the best for someone like me. There’s a reason I’ve never smoked nor gambled. They have these raffle like things at the store booths at Grand Prixs in Japan and I’m ashamed to say I’ve “gambled” on them. I always say I won’t next time, but then I do again. Although I manage to cut back a bit. I guess? But there’s a thrill there. At least I’m not spending money I don’t have. I’m not putting myself into (further) debt. Is that a piss-poor excuse?

I get frustrated, but I do have fun. Otherwise I wouldn’t be doing this. I am sitting on this train to Nagoya, a literal train on a literal path to Nagoya Station, and I wonder if I’m off my rocker for traveling for a weekend, spending a bit on a cheap AirBNB, just to play a card game. I could do it at home on my computer.

But there’s something about getting out. Something about doing it in person. Even if I’m too shy to talk with many people, too concerned about sounding like a fool when I speak Japanese or English, that I become a bit of a recluse even in public. But I’m trying to work on it. I guess? It’s hard. Magic’s hard. Life’s hard.

But we all keep on going, right?

What do I get at the end of my life for having spent these weekends going to play Magic? Stories, I suppose. Those of bad luck, scrubbing out, but also those of good luck and triumphs. Small and “pointless” as they may be. And I get to look back and smile.

I don’t like traveling. But here I am on a train to Nagoya. The AirBNB guy messaged me to say there’s a festival going on this weekend. He hopes I get the chance to check it out. I hope it doesn’t interfere with me getting to the tournament site on time.

Maybe I just want someone with me. I kind of feel stupid for wanting a significant other who shares a hobby with me. I’m not going to “hit on” anyone I play the game with or at a place where I frequent. That feels gross. Although I don’t tend to “hit on” people in general. My last few relationships just grew out of circumstance, so perhaps I’m just waiting for circumstance to happen again.

My youngest brother just got engaged. The story, as my father told me, was that on their first date my brother asked his now fiance what one thing people would find surpsing to find out she has interest in and one hobby she has as a guilty pleasure. Or something like that. She answered, and the ordering of these answers is both unimportant and a bit lost to repeated tellings of the storty, WWE and Magic. My brother and his fiance seem to get along quite fine.

That’s not to say I’d be in a perfect relationship if I found someone who liked Magic. Maybe it’s someone who likes RPGs with overly complicated battle systems, books that are too long for their own good or someone who just has a deep and intense passion for something beyond their day to day job. Just an intense passion to do something. Wanting to do it all the time. Someone with a love for a part of life that doesn’t matter but doesn’t care that it doesn’t matter.

Maybe I need to love myself first. That’s hard. Like life and Magic.

Train’s about to stop in Nagoya. This is my first time in the city. I’m going to go play some Magic. You all have a nice weekend.

The Panic

I went to a gaming “industry” meet up last night. I put that in scare-quotes not to diminish it but because it's not like the event is limited to gaming industry people only. I mean I’m allowed to go.

(Is it fucked up that I have released five games and I still don't consider myself part of the gaming industry?)

While I was waiting for people to show up, I was doing Shadowverse’s equivalent of drafting. People started coming in and I chatted with them, but I wanted to finish the Arena best-of-five that I had started.

Plus there were people there.

While I know it was rude to keep playing the game while chatting, my panic was starting to hit in hard. I don't get it. I knew at least half of the people there, and the new folk were friendly enough. But I just started to fear for my life.

I tried to calm my nerves with pizza and booze. It didn't help. I just remember sitting at one point, conversations to the left of me, conversations to the right, and here I am in the middle just paralyzed without a thing to say. I eventually interjected a bit into a conversation about localization, but after that I just slowly looked at the clock and decided to head out.

I was a bit early for my train, but that was okay. I played some Shadowverse on the train. I got home, exercised a bit and went to bed.

I could have stayed home and played games but I don't think I would have done that either. I was exhausted from work - and it wasn't even a hard work day! But I went out and didn't feel it either.

I’m feeling lost right now. Not sure where I am heading in life or with any of my hobbies or interests. Which is funny because this morning I recorded my daily video and was pretty pumped for Guilds of Ravnica. I guess I still am? I’m just scared of life all of a sudden and not making any moves.

Who am I waiting for permission from?

Setting up

I’m writing this on my new iPhone XS while my shitty internet chugs away at downloading apps.

This was my first time updating entirely from iCloud. I’ve always used hard backups before. I’m surprised how well this is going other than my internet sucking ass.

1Password’s integration is amazing. Logging into apps is stupid easy now. After all the hubbub I heard about FaceID, I’m surprised how easily it gets my mug as I lay on my bed translating and slowly checking all my apps.

My Series 4 Watch is also blowing my mind with how much of an upgrade it is to the original Watch. I somehow botched the backup of my watch, but it seems all the data I wanted was saved in iCloud anyway, so setting it up as a new watch has caused me no problems.

So far so good. I’m surprised how quickly I forgot the home button was even a thing. Picking up my iPhone 7 and it already feels extremely old.

We'll see how I feel in a week. But first impressions are great.

In which I talk about butts

I’m constipated.

I believe this is one of the side effects of the depression medicine I’m taking. Another one of those potential side effects is depression, so we know we're dealing with the, as the kids say, “good shit”.

So I tried the things. Stomach massages. Lots and lots of water. Fiber. So much fiber.

I gave in and bought some laxatives today. Here's where it gets gross, people.

Oh wait, it doesn’t. Because nothing fucking happened.

I spent a whole ¥700 on medicine people on the Internet said made for good poops. If I can't trust the Internet when it comes to shit, who can I trust?

I was planning on talking about Guilds of Ravnica tonight, but all I can think about is my gut. And how Guilds of Ravnica is probably going to change Standard so radically that I am just completely confused and will probably just focus on Modern and Legacy until someone else does well with a deck I find interesting.

Looking forward to those pre-releases and maybe a Sealed PPTQ or two, though.