What I would do

Sometimes I think about being "independently wealthy".

Honestly, I am not entirely sure what that means or how it is obtainable other than birth. That last part has missed the boat, though.

But I think about what I like doing. Playing Magic. Making and playing video games. Having sex. Well, I’m probably not going to make money off of that last one. At least not and be happy. Yeah, I need a loving partner. What a strange request.


You know, I could be streaming. I don’t as much as I could because of... anxiety? What if I stream and gasp no one watches?! Well, that happens right now because I'm an unknown quantity and why would you watch me? I don't get viewers just because I want them.

And I don't get to win at Magic just because I want to. That doesn't mean I practice as much as I should. No. Instead I waste time on things because wasting time is easier than doing hard things.

At least I’m getting all of my real work done and not in any risk of losing my job(s) outside of the normal market conditions which thinking about is enough to send my anxiety flaring.

But what do I want? I want to play Magic, stream and make games. So I should start doing those things, shouldn't I?