When the brain isn't right

I was getting ready to sit down and code some EPIC when I got some more translation work in.

"The world does not want me to work on this game!" my brain thinks. Well, except that I could have worked on the game instead of taking a ""nap"" which somehow I never heard the alarm to and slept for more hours than intended. Or instead of streaming some Magic Arena.

I have to come to the terms that I'm just unsure of what I exactly want to do with the game right now. Once the engine is done I have to do area design and that is going to take art, which I am not good at, and thought on the structure of the game's areas, something I haven't done much, so it's new and scary.

So delaying finishing the bulk of the engine comes pretty naturally to me.

Actually, I'm delaying so many things because of fear. Books I haven't read, games I haven't played, all because of some nebulous "fear" that I have to do something first before I'm deserving of what I actually want. Yeah, I didn't stream Magic Online tonight because I don't feel like I deserve it. Like I don't get to practice good decks. I just get to play pre-made decks on Arena because then there's no skin in the game. I'm not making a choice. I'm letting predetermined things dictate how I live.

That's not good.