I got mad while playing Magic last night.
Afterwards I feel a bit childish, but I am letting out stress. I am unsure if this is healthy or not. I do try to be a bit "goofy" about it so at least the other people around me won't think I'm just a sore loser asshole, but who knows.
I don't mind losing, but I do hate when it feels like I'm not playing.
Which happens, and I have to either accept that it is part of a game with randomness, or just quit. But releasing a bit of the steam that I have pent up from other parts of my life seems... okay? Except that I don't want to be a nuisance to others. But I do feel that rage intensely.
Then I get home, realize I got to play a game for a few hours and had a decent time.
Perhaps I should be using my Magic playing to work on being "in the moment". It's not a serious event, but I can focus on my emotions and realizing that I don't have control over everything that goes on in my life as much as I would like to have that control.
I just can't. No one has that.
I guess my biggest concern is losing friends. I don't want to be "that guy". So that is something to work on.