I was 473 out of 2719 players in Grand Prix Shizuoka. That means I performed better than 2246 players. And yet I can only think about the 472 who did better than me.
This is not healthy. This is bad. I made mistakes, and I acknowledged them. I tried to have a fun time. But with a desire for perfection comes a problem of stressing out over failures.
This is a card game.
I am hoping that I can take these experiences from my fun time and turn it into a better life for me. Because I did better than 2246 players. Some of that was luck. Some of that was skill. And that’s why 472 were better than me. Luck and skill. And I have to acknowledge that the dice will lay will they will.
There’s a part of me that doesn't believe in luck. Thinks I should blame myself for each part. I rolled a two on two six-sided dice? Well, it was my fault for letting go the second I did. Grabbing the dice the way I did. Breathing the way I did. And these things are true. But there’s gravity. The air. The other people around me. Things outside of my control. And I have to try my best to remember they exist. Or I am going to lose my mind.
I have to be better in all ways. Both card games and life.