Shame

I am participating in a Final Fantasy VI Kefka at Narshe tournament.

I did really bad.

I mean really bad. I forgot to pick up items, I screwed up my RNG, I had characters die because I ran away with characters that should't have run.

And I feel shame.

Now this is just a video game. I am doing this race for fun. But the shame I feel right now is real. I am soaking in it. I have some other things I should be doing but I cannot stop thinking about my mistakes.

Will I make them again?

Proabably, because I am human. But I also need to learn from them. And that is fine. And again, this is just a tournament for fun. But there is still a part of me that takes this so seriously that I can't take any congratulations. People said good game. I said no, don't say that. It was bad. I mean, I appreciate the sentiment but right now all I feel is how awful I am. A part of me feels like I should be kicked out of the tournament for playing so badly.

Wow, what an overreaction.

I need to relax, practice some more and have fun. I did have fun, but I am letting that fun be killed by my shame, and I should not do that. I should just take my lumps, learn and move on. I'm not going to get any other work done dwelling on the mistakes. I know where I messed up and how to take care of things.

Plus, I didn't practice Monday and Tuesday like I had planned because of a cold. That just feels like an excuse, but then again, this is a video game tournament for fun. Goodness, I need to relax.

And get some other work done. Okay. At least perhaps writing out some of this will release some stress.

I can hope.