Loneliness

This one might be a bit of a bummer.

I usually have Saturday plans. I did not this week. So my Friday Night Magic was a bit of a choice. I could go to the close place, maybe grab dinner afterwards with some of the folk, go home and sleep. Sleep in Saturday, go to a Grand Prix Trial, go home. Or I could have gone to a store a bit further out but would have given me three tournaments to play in. Cheaper tournaments, worse prizes, and I'd be getting home real late. Parking is a little pricier though. Would have gotten home around 3 or 4 am. But I had no solid Saturday plans.

I went to the close store. Hardly anyone showed up. Ended early. No one wanted to go out for dinner. I went home. Finished watching Donnie Brasco. That's a rough movie. The idea of overworking to the point of damaging relationships and your own psyche hit hard. Although I haven't hit any women. That was a rough watch.

I checked Twitter and the store I decided not to go to was "popping" as the kids may say. Seemed like I made the wrong choice. I did get some sleep, although not particularly satisfying sleep. So now I am on a train full of people heading to a tournament. I hope I play my best. I hope I see some people I know. I like people. Some people. They make me feel less lonely.

There has been this "trend" on the Internet to post these little images saying "You are important. We love you!" and if these things make you happy, I am glad a thing made you happy. I find them insulting. They are a stinging reminder of lonliness. Sorry, Internet Stranger, I know you mean well. You told someone they are important! Maybe you made someone feel better! And I think you did. I think you made yourself feel better.

Which is fine. We all do selfish things. But lonliness stings a little harder when a gif of a piece of glass says "You are not alone! I'm with you" Thanks, Internet Stranger, but I am. And you're not.