From 2008 to 2014 I have had a Pokémon calendar on my wall. It started when I realized, fuck yes I want to eat a Mega Mac while I sit alone in my apartment on Christmas. And fuck yes, I need a Pokémon calendar. And thus, a tradition was born. I care little for Pokémon despite the fun I had with it many years ago, but I loves me a good nonsensical tradition. Why do I do this? Because I do! What is a greater expression of the human soul than doing something because you said you were going to do it? As the calendar debuts around my birthday, I always managed to convince a friend that "Hey, wouldn't you love to give me a Pokémon calendar for my birthday?" And my friend would always be like "Hell yeah." And then I had a calendar. Life was good.
As I have lost plenty of weight recently and that's not cool - I'm in my thirties for chris-saké, I need to be complaining about how I'm never get back to my pre-college weight, not succeeding. So last night I stop into a McDonald's for some late night fattening and see them advertising next year's calendar.
Next year's Yo-Kai Watch calendar.
Words, I have none of you. Except for a hearty "Fuck!" Yo-Kai Watch is taking over Japan super-quick. Extra-super-quick. Claiming the yearly McDonald's calendar spot? What the hell is a grown man to do? I cannot be adorning my wall with a bunch of ghosts and other mystical creatures. I need fake animals who got screwed in the genetic pool swimming relay. If I could still cry I would need some freshly popped corn to shake the tears over.
Sure, maybe someone will pick it up for me as a birthday gift out of the aforementioned tradition. I mean, Pokémon, Yo-Kai Watch, what's the difference? Children are abusing creatures someway or another and battling and having fun, sure. But what about a lone man's tradition? What about the time honored respect of having a predetermined type of marketing based calendar on a wall that has been going on for long enough to count as a religion?
Why won't someone think of the children for once?