What you deserve

You give away so much in your life by fantasizing about something that would actually not be that great for you.

That is one of my favorite quotes from Roderick on the Line. And it came right to me when I checked Twitter this morning[ref]Bad habit. Gotta stop[/ref] and saw this.

スクリーンショット 2014-02-09 9.54.48

As a(n unsuccessful) game developer it hits me pretty hard. Because no matter how much I focus on the love of development, there is always that tingling voice in the back of my head that goes “Hey, maybe you will make a lot of money on this.” Money is a thing. Wishing it wasn’t will not make it so.

There was a great conversation on Roderick on the Line about what would you do if you won a ridiculous amount of money. Like in the lottery, where people would know it was you. Would you even stay in your own home that night? What would you keep out of all of your stuff? Those slightly broken headphones that work still? They would be gone, right? Even if you really liked them. You would just upgrade to a new pair. Pretty much everything changes.

Except you.

You will still be you. I would still be me if subaku was a breakout success and I would still have to live with my faults. Plus the problem of having a lot of money.

Which seems like a nice problem to have. And maybe it is. But a problem one is not equipped to handle is a more difficult problem. A whole lot of money at once is not exactly something you can go train for.

Why is this even important? Because let’s say I did get a lot of money. Then what? Really, then what? That is the side of the situation we often skip over. I know I do it. I think “I get lots of money and then no more worries! No more anything.” A little bit of searching shows that this is not the case for a lot of lottery winners. But we still feel this way. It feels like the easy solution to little or no money. Because opposites are easy to think about.

Then we get to the people. Eep. As someone who has been a dick plenty of times, I understand the rage. One of the most frequent words I have seen is “deserve”. He does not “deserve” the success. Because insert your reason here.

But really, what does that fucking have to do with anything? It happened. No child deserves cancer, but that is something we still deal with. Shitty argument on my part? But does sitting around arguing about who deserves what get anything done? Did Dong Nguyen sit around and wonder if he deserved that money and then decided to make the game? Or did he just make a game and, as is life, things happened?

Does thinking about what I deserve get my projects done? How about yours?