Another Seymour Skinner game


I made a game of it. Seeing how many times I could bounce the ball in a day, then trying to break that record.
- Seymour Skinner, Bart the Murderer

Flappy Bird has been making the rounds. Google it if you must, but you are not missing much. It is nothing more than Principal Skinner’s basketball game. How many times can you get Flappy Bird through the pipes that look oh-so-ripped out of Super Mario World? Good. Now try and beat that record.

These Seymour Skinner games come and go. We have been polar bears beating seals with clubs. We have been Winnie the Pooh, desperately trying to hit a baseball. Hell, we have been Mr. and Ms. Pac-Man, chasing ghosts around. The concept is fundamental to gaming.

And yet after three minutes of smashing poor Flappy Bird’s collision box[ref]Which I am pretty sure is just the bounding box for the sprite. It is so damn tight.[/ref] into the pipes, I began to panic. “What in the fuck am I doing? I have so little time on this earth. I have got to get back to Final Fantasy 9. Or SMT4. Oh yeah, and didn’t DQ7 come out almost a year ago? Shit.”

And then I realized I have made video games work.

Finding myself pulling myself away from the “duty” of these “real” games to “waste my time” on something that is fundamentally no different. This is not because FF9 is bad. This is because I have turned these games that I feel like I “must” play into the newspapers that are now crushing me. So when the little flapping bird comes by, my crushed spirit takes the opportunity to take a moment to forget the newspapers.

So the realization is great. Now how do I fix it?