Vulvacia Barbecuesauce: Chapter Two

Second (An introduction to the main villain.)

Sadness placed her pebble filled glass into a fishbowl. The rabid pit-piranhas went to work at devouring the rocks. For these rocks were the dreams of children. Each dream of rocket cars and high powered techno-shoes that were powered by the children’s ability to create disappeared and one by one the children decided that what they wanted to do with their lives was become social media experts. With their vast knowledge of how to help people help people know about how to help people know about how to help people, they would proceed to make the digital world of Digitalopis the selfish and self-centered land that would continue to feed Sadness and power her anti-Happiness methods.

As long as Vulvacia Barbecuesauce, that foul servant of both Justice and Happiness - And seriously, Sadness thought, what kind of bull honkey is it that Vulvacia got to serve two of the Great Feelings at once and as her own help wanted ads haven’t been answered in years - that Vulvacia Barbecuesauce who couldn’t help but make Sadness’s thoughts run on like foully written sentences with too many em-dashes -, was alive Sadness was at risk of not turning all dreams into fish food.

And that made Sadness sad. Which you’d think would have been the goal but no. Not at all. Sadness scowled. It was a sad scowl. But a pretty good one for the record. Sadness smiled. Then, quickly scowled again. Another smile. Another scowl. This she repeated for a good twelve minutes and forty three seconds.

“Maybe if I change my name, that would help me be victorious?” Sadness looked at her pebbles in the fishbowl and hoped that they would reveal the answer.

One of the pebbles spoke up.

“If defeating Vulvacia Barbecuesauce is your true and utter goal, why not invest in hand wipes? That is how you clean up after a messy barbecue meal, is it not?”

Sadness smiled. “Yes! Yes it is! That is exactly the way to defeat this saucy mistress of Justice… and Happiness.”

Sadness put on her last pair of overalls and headed off to the supermarket. There would be bargains today, whether they accepted her coupons or not.