Fandom-fear

51D2Q5Jt1AL._SL500_AA300_I picked up the pocketbook of R because I am so back into Bravely Default at the moment. It seems a bit silly after I spent well over a hundred hours on the game last year, but playing it again right now is so good. I tweeted that I thought it might be even better this time. That is one of those things that I suppose you can only figure out by trying, but when something feels better the second time it feels so weird to me. The concept of re-watching or re-playing games still feels so weird even though I am doing it more and more. It feels limiting. By doing this there is something that I am not doing. It  sparks the “wide versus deep” idea of learning and experiencing things. But on an entirely different hand that may not even be “hand-like” I am finding that it has to do with a fear of fandom I have.

Fear and jealousy, I should say.

I see fans - big, huge fans - of things and am intimidate. “How can they be so sure to be such a big fan of that! Think of all they are missing! What if they are wrong?” Wrong about what, I quickly try to correct myself. But the truth is that there is a part of me that wishes I could recklessly throw myself at one thing and really be into it. There is some part of me that feels like doing that will limit me, or cause me some sort of damage. Or that I will not be seeing “the real world”. But then I pick up a book based on a video game and as I start to poke through it, I want to fight those feelings and just let myself be consumed by fun.

And what is wrong with fun?