My son needed a nap but also wanted to be held. He is getting heavy, so I sat down, held him to my chest and was “”trapped”” for a while. Instead of twittering I booted up Dragon Quest on my motherfuckingcellularphone and relaxed, genuinely relaxed, for a little while.
I struggle at moments like these with the idea of what kind of parent I am. Playing a video game while my son rests! Can I not just enjoy the moment? Or is that in and of itself the moment? If the idea we are going towards is freedom to be who we want to be, are the little things not important?
Because it is not until someone says something that I even think this might be “”bad”“. I am not ignoring my son. He is getting exactly what he wants and needs and so am I. Yet there are such pressures like these that are asking us to conform because “that would be nice, yes”.
Travel is a big one that has been bugging me for some time. To travel is allegedly the best way to broaden horizons, and yet if six years in Japan have taught me anything, it is how easy it is to cover your eyes when the sky is a slightly different shade of blue.
I do not know. I feel whiny, but I feel these urges to do things that I fundamentally do not want to do just because, I dunno, society? It is an unfortunate tug in twelve directions that makes one feel bonkers and realize that any path would have been better than indecision.
Dragon Quest on iOS is fun, by the way. I like it. It makes me smile.