Worrying about worry

I enjoy doing translation work. The problem I am currently having with freelance work is “letting go”. If I am working on something it consumes my thought until I submit it. And then until I get paid. And then until I get the next bit of work. Anxiety is no fun. I was “diagnosed” with General Anxiety Disorder back in 2006. Of course, this is pretty much how I have felt my entire life so I never really understood what the “better” that I was aiming for exactly was. I still do not. I know worrying does not make my translations better. It does not make my games better, my interactions with other people better, my family life better.

The prescribed wisdom is “do not worry” but it is at this point that I have realized that it would be like asking me to not breathe. I do not know how to not worry. Worrying is not an active thing I do. It is involuntary. At least, that is how it feels. So in all the hunting for “solutions” I realize I have actually been hunting for “how to not be me”.

Which is awkward. Which ultimately does not work. So I need to stop fighting the worrying and start working with it. I think. Turning that energy into worry for good. Or at least more structured, better focused worry. I think. I worry. At least something is consistent.